Blind

            I held my caseworker’s hands.  I was only six years old when I was brought to the apartment in New York City.  The caseworker helped me go up the steps, enter the building, and get into the elevator.  In my head I was trying to memorize the landscape so that I could get around.  I kept my walking stick to my side and made sure my glasses were on all the way. 

“This is it.  Apartment 2030,” she said and she started to tug on my shirt, “you need to be presentable,” she told me.  I nodded.  I heard the door opened and I tried as best as I could to face the door.

“Hello Ms. Zelaya.  I am Suzanne Stuart and this is young Brian,” she said and she made me step in front of her.

“Hello,” I said and put out my hand.  I felt a cold hand touch mine and I shook it.

“Nice to meet you Brian.  Last time I saw you, you were just a baby,” said my aunt. 

            I entered the house and started to walk around to get the feel of it and find out where the furniture was.  There was a lot of open space.

“How about if go see your room,” said my aunt and I took her hand.  I sat down on my bed and my aunt went back into the living room to sign some papers with the caseworker. 

“Hello,” said a child’s voice.

“Hello,” I replied.

“Your cousin Brian, right?”

“Yes.  Who are you?”

“Your cousin Maxine.  Everyone calls me Max,”

“How old are you?”

“Four.  Why do you were those glasses?”

“Because I can’t see,”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m blind,”

            I lived with my aunt Jasmine for many years.  Max and I became close, like a real brother and sister.  I started to forget my old life with my parents because my aunt and cousin loved me and I loved them.  It was not until I was sixteen that everything changed, again. 

            Max and I were home alone during one weekend.  Aunt Jasmine was supposed to be home on Friday, but she never came back. 

“Mom’s not back,” said Max worried.

“Maybe she stayed at a friends.  She’ll come back,” I reassured her and she believed me.  But she did not come back on Saturday or Sunday.  We believed that she would eventually come back so we kept it quiet that she was missing.  But then there was a knock on the door.

“Who is it?” I asked.

“Police,” said Max, “should I open it?”

“Yes,” I told her and she opened the door. 

“Hello dear, I’m officer Thomas and this is my partner, officer Walker,” I heard a voice say.

“Can I help you?” said Max.

“May we come in?”

“Brian?” I heard Max asked and I tried to look in her direction and nodded.

“Do you two have any parents?” the police asked.

“My parents died when I was six.  My aunt took me in,” I told them. 

“He’s my cousin,” I heard Max say to them.

“What’s your mom’s name?” asked one of the officers.

“Jasmine Zelaya,” Max told them.  I held onto Max’s hand, hoping for good news.

“I’m sorry to say, but your mother is dead,” Max started to cry and I held her with tears going down my own cheeks. 

            We were each given a bag and right away I could tell it was a garbage bag.  The officers told us to pack as much as we could.  Max helped me back and while packing I heard sniff a few tears, as did I. 

“Brian,” I heard Max say and I turned in her direction.

“What?”

“They’re going to separate us, aren’t they?”

“Probably,”

“I don’t want to leave you.  Who will watch out for you,” Max put her hand into mine and I gave her a hug.  I was afraid of us being split up and I did not want any help from anyone except Max.  Max has helped me since I was six and she was the closet person I had then. 

“I got a plan,” I told her.

            We were both sent to the same shelter but they told us it was only going to be for a very short time until they could find us better homes.  In the middle of the night, Max and I grabbed our stuff and hit the streets. 

“Where should we go?” Max asked.

“Far away from here.  Somewhere where no one will ever find us.  How much money do we have?”

“A thousand,”

“Let’s at least get far away from here,”

“How about Times Square?”

“Sounds good,”

            During our first night on the streets we slept in the subway but then Max caught a police officer giving us a suspicion look and we took off.  We made it to Times Square and used our money to buy hotdogs and water.  We went inside a few stores, but not to buy, just to see what it was like.  None of us ever had been to Times Square.  Even when night fell, the city was still alive. We once again returned to the subway. 

“If you sleep here they’ll find you,” said a voice.  I quickly grabbed Max but I could tell that she was already sitting up. 

“Go away,” she said.

“They will find you here,” said the voice.  I could tell it was a male’s voice.

“Who?” I asked looking down as I sat up. 

“The police,” he said. Max and I got up and started to walk away from the boy.

“You’ll need a place to stay,” he said.

“Not interested,” said Max. 

“Are you sure?  It’s almost fall.  It’ll get colder out there,” At this we both stopped and looked back at him. 

“What do you want from us?” asked Max.

“Company.  It’s easier on the streets if we work in groups.  Trust me,” he said.  Max took my arm and we walked in his direction. 

“My name is Max and this is my cousin Brian,”

“The name is Kevin, nice to meet you,”

            It was a good thing we met Kevin.  He was right about the subways.  Those who were new to running away were caught there week after week.  We slept in the same place for a few days and then moved.  The three of us traveled all over Times Square and due to my blindness, I was never left alone.  Kevin or Max was always with me.  I can only guess that they stole, but Kevin and Max always got food and drinks.  The three of us became close. 

            It was the middle of summer.  Max and I had been living on the streets for almost a year and we had never been caught.  Although life was hard on the streets, we liked it because we got to be together and we had Kevin.  A boy who was a year older than me, tall, and strong.  We kept a small group because it was easier to move around.  To help make money, I often sat on a curb and begged.  One night Max came back with money and I asked how she got it.  I did not know that Kevin taught her to pick pocket money and I was angry with this but they both said it was survival.  Max also used to have nice long hair, but one day she got it cut very short.

“So no one knows I am a girl,” she said.

“But you hair was so nice,” I told her.

“But it’s difficult for a girl to live on the streets.  You know that,” and I did.  I told my self that her having her hair short was to protect her. 

“We have to move.  We’ve been here too long,” said Kevin. 

“I agree,” I told him and he helped me up.  We got out of the subway and went up to the street.  We walked a few blocks until Max found an abandon apartment.  We find a nice room on the first floor with lots of space and opened our backpacks.  The only things we had were blankets and pillows. 

“It’s late.  Let’s get some sleep,” said Kevin.  We all went under our covers and fell asleep from exhausting.

            We woke up to gun shots and screams.  I laid still on the floor but I heard Kevin and Max get up.  Then I heard something fall and I heard footsteps running out of the building.  I still heard more gun shots and yelling from outside but I laid perfectly still.  I covered my ears and blocked out the sounds.  I laid there for what felt like hours and then when I thought it was over I sat up.

“Kevin?  Max?” I said but I received no answer.  I got up from my blanket and grabbed my walking stick.  I felt around the room and my walking stick hit something huge and a bit soft.  Not too rough.  I knew it was not there before.  I prepared myself for the worse.  I got down on my knees and felt the thing in front of me.  I felt a warm liquid and smelled my fingers.  It was blood.  I felt carefully to realize it was a body and I felt around to see if it was someone I knew.  Once I touch the top head I knew who it was.

“No, Max.  You can’t leave me.  You can’t leave me.  We need to stay together,” I said with tears in my eyes.

“Kevin!  Kevin!” I yelled but I heard nothing.  For all I knew Kevin could had ran off or had been killed as well.  I held Max’s body in my arms, trying to get no blood on me and I rocked her back and forth while singing a lullaby. 

            I fell asleep and I did not know how long I was asleep.  I said their names, trying to believe that it was just a nightmare, but no one replied.  I check where the body was.  It was still there.  I knew that I could not stay there and I could not take Max with me.  I said a prayer to God and grabbed my walking stick.  I got up and found the door and left with tears running down my face because I do not know what I would do without Max or without my eyes.  I was now alone, on the streets and I did not know how I would survive.  But I walked down the block without looking back.  Without looking back.