Smiling with Life

I remembered when Smiling with Life put me in his lap when we gathered around to hear grandfather’s story.  It’s one of my favorite memories.  Grandfather would tell us stories about good versus evil and how good always won and how trickster Gods also had good sides.  While grandfather was telling us stories, grandmother and mother would be cooking a treat.  I remember the smell of honey, a real treat!  Mother would give half to me and half to Smiling with Life.  But Smiling with Life would always give most of his share to me. 

            I also remember father sitting with us, also listening to grandfather’s stories, although father would be tired from his long hunting journeys.  Father would also be the first to fall asleep and mother would put a blanket over him and give him a soft, sweet kiss for good dreams. 

            After grandfather’s stories and eating our treat, it would be time for bed.  Grandmother would put out the fire in our tippi and crawl under the blanket with grandfather and mother would crawl under with father.  As a young child, I had a huge fear of the dark and nightmares. 

“Water Moon,” Smiling with Life would say and I would turn to him and see his big smile, “do not worry.  I will protect you.  I would never let anything happen to you, not as long as I am alive,” he would say as he would touch my cheek.  Then I would hold his hand and I would not let go until I fell asleep.  Safe in my tippi with my family. 

            I woke up to voices of the teachers walking through the room.  Waking up all the girls in my dorm.  I woke up quickly, went to the restroom, got dress, and returned to make my bed.  After making my bed, I had to tie my hair back, but it was very difficult.

“Do you need help?” a girl wispeared to me in a soft voice in our own language.  I nodded and she quickly helped me with my hair before the teachers noticed. 

“Thank you,” I replied in our language. 

            We lined up in a single filed and it was not until we were quiet that the teachers would lead us to the dinning hall.  Once at the dinning hall, we sat at our appropriate seats and folded our hands as the priests taught us. 

“Let us pray,” the priest would say once everyone was sitting at their seats.  Once the prayer was done, we were allowed to eat.  The school gave us portage, bread, and water for breakfast.  Although we ate all our food, it was not enough to fill us.  Many of us would secretly pass our food to the younger students so that they would not cry of hunger.  As we ate we did not exchange a single word.  We were not allowed to talk unless it was in the white man’s language. 

            It was shortly after my sixth winter when the white men came to our village to speak with our leaders.  My father was one of the men who escorted our leaders to the meeting.  During that winter I fell ill with an unknown sickness.  The shaman was able to give me herbs to help me feel more comfortable.  I was ill for many days but I was mostly remembered was Smiling with Life sitting next to me. 

“Rest,” he would tell me and he would tell me stories as I fell asleep with my head on his lap. 

“Brother, you will get sick too,” I said through my coughs but Smiling with Life continued to sit next to me. 

“I will always be by your side.  I promised mother at your birth that I would watch over and protect you and I will not break that promise,” he told me. 

“It hurts,” I would tell him as I coughed into my hands.

“I know, but you will have to be strong,” he said as he held me and I fell asleep. 

            “Elizabeth, please come to the board,” said the teacher.  I got up and walked up to the board and the teacher told me to write a word and I wrote on the board the word ‘you’. 

“Very good Elizabeth,” she said and I returned to my seat.  Then she called on Wolf Fang or Marc.  Marc walked to the board and spelled the word wrong.  The teacher slapped him with her ruler.  But Marc did not cry or yell, he stood tall.  That was one should except from the grandson of the village’s chief. 

            The meeting lasted for a week and then the white men left.  I was glad when they left our village and thought that life would return to normal.  Shortly after they left, my cough and fever went away.  I recovered quickly.  But one night in our tippi, everyone was silent.  No one knew that the next thing my father would say would change everything. 

“The white men want our children to go to school,”

“School?” asked my mother. 

“A place where our children can learn their language and learn to read and write.  They thought it would help our children assimiluate into their society,”

“Where will they build such a place?” asked my grandmother. 

“At their settlements,”

“But that’s so far!  Many children will not survive that long journey!” exclaimed my mother. 

“Which children will go to these schools and when?” asked Smiling with Life. 

“Each family with a child old enough to go to school will leave in three days,” my father said as he looked at me.  My mother put her head in her hands and begun to cry and my grandparents looked gravely into the fire. 

“No!” exclaimed my brother as he held me, “they can’t take her!  I won’t let them.  She belongs here with us,”

“Son, we are not the only family going through this delima.  There are families in our tribe that will lose all their children to the white men.  We will only lose one,” said my father staring at me with sad eyes.  My brother held me tight and shook his head. 

“She’s too young.  Father, let her wait a year,”

“No.  The white men said all children who have surviored five winters.  If we do not let her go, they will take her,”

“Why would our chief do this to us?” asked my mother with tears in her eyes. 

“If he did not, they would bring an army.  They would kill us all, including the children.  It is for their safety.  Even the chief’s own grandson must go with the other children.  We will no longer discuss this.  Moon Water will leave with the other children,” said my father and he got up and left our tipi, but I knew that he was sitting outside, crying and praying. 

“Brother, what’s a school?  Is it close by?” I asked.

“It’s a place where you will go on exciting adventures and you will learn important skills.  Skills that we can not teach you,” he told me.

“Is it close by?”

“No, it’s far away,”

“Will you come with me?” and that was when I saw a tear in Smiling with Life’s eyes.

“No, but I promise you.  There will be other children that you can share your adventures with and play with.  You will keep each other company,” he said with a fake smile. 

“I want you to come,”

“I can’t.  I’m too old for adventures,”

            I sat in my sewing class, sewing a quilt.  The quilt was plain and I wished I could decorate it with some sort of paint.  Add animals on it or symbols from my home.  But I knew that the school would never allow it.  Then something caught my eyes.  I looked out the window and saw white stuff falling from the sky.  It was what they called in the white men’s language, snow. 

            We were allowed to play in the snow outside.  But our jackets did not keep us that warm and we had no toys.  The younger kids enjoyed games of races to keep them busy while the older kids just stood around and tried exchanging words.  The teachers kept a close eye on us because we were not allowed to speak our native language, only the white man’s language.  Then I noticed Wolf Fang standing alone, just watching the younger children play and looking around the whole yard.  Although he was very young and one season younger then me, he tried to take the role of a leader and many of us looked up to him, including myself.  I could tell that he was no longer the boy that would follow his male relatives everywhere and join them in every boring meeting.  Now he was taking his place as a man and our chief at the school.  I could tell that the teachers kept a close eye on him and maybe, even feared him of what he could accomplish among us. 

            Three days passed quickly and the white men brought horses and cattle pulling carts.  At first they were empty but was starting to fill quickly with children.  My clan came out to see me off, especially Smiling with Life. 

“I made this for you,” said my brother.  It was a necklace with a happy face carved into it. 

“It’s to remind you that I will always be there, in your heart,” My brother kissed me on the cheek and gave me a hug.  My clan hugged me and my mother cried as she held me.  As I was about to let go of my mother, my grandfather told me to never forget my people and where I came from.  I promised him that I would never forget my heritage.  Then Smiling with Life took my little hand and gave me one last look until someone grabbed my arm and forced us to let go.  Then I started to cry as the man put me in one of the carts. 

“I don’t want to go!  I don’t want to go!” I yelled with the other children and I was crying.  I remember seeing the chief and his son saying good-bye to Wolf Fang.  And then I felt a jolt and the carts started to move. 

“Protect them!  Watch over them!” yelled the chief and his son to Wolf Fang.

“I promise to protect them!” I heard Wolf Fang yell back.  Then I saw the adults running towards the carts but the carts kept getting faster and faster.  Many of the older adults eventually stopped running, but Smiling with Life kept running with the other young adults. 

“Don’t be afraid, little sister!  I will be with you!  Forever!” yelled Smiling with Life as he stopped running.  Those were the last words I heard him say. 

            Dinner passed by quickly and I returned the girl’s dormitory with my roommates and we washed up and changed into our nightgowns.  When the lights went out and we heard the teachers leave we started to speak quietly. 

“Another winter has come and will eventually passed,” said one of the girls in our language. 

“This winter would be my thirteenth winter,” I told myself.  So many years have passed since I last saw Smiling of Life.  I went to touch my necklace around my neck that he gave me, but I forgot that it was no longer there.  Shortly after we arrived, the teachers took away anything that connected us back to our families and traditions. 

“We will get out of here, Wolf Fang will make sure of it,” another girl said.  I turned in my bed and closed my eyes.  Somehow I knew there was no escaping from the school. 

            The remaining five years of my education passed before my eyes but it was very long.  After my eighteenth winter, I graduated and was allowed to leave with the other older children, including Wolf Fang.  Wolf Fang took whatever was left of us and went back west towards our village.  It was a long journey but eventually we arrived back. 

            Many of us were disappointed in hearing of our clans dying from the white men’s disease and some even moving farther west, including moving onto reservations.  I separated myself from the group once we arrived back, searching for anything left of my clan.  The place where our tipi stood was gone and in placed by another clan.  I continued walking around the tribe, searching for anyone.  By the end of the day I found Wolf Fang who was lucky enough to find his father who was now chief of the village. 

“Did you find anyone?” Wolf Fang asked me.  I shook my head.

“You can stay with my clan, we will give you shelter and food,” but I told him that I would keep looking until night fell.  I was unsuccessful and started to walk back to Wolf Fang’s tipi.  While walking I started to sing my grandfather’s prayer song that he sung to me as a young child and eventually taught me how to sing it.

“Moon Water,” I heard a voice in the wind.  The voice was coming behind me and I turned around and saw him.  He was much older, masculine, but still had that same smile and look in his eyes. 

“Smiling with Life,”