I remembered when Smiling with Life put me in his lap when
we gathered around to hear grandfather’s story. It’s one of my favorite memories. Grandfather would tell us stories about good versus evil and
how good always won and how trickster Gods also had good sides. While grandfather was telling us
stories, grandmother and mother would be cooking a treat. I remember the smell of honey, a real
treat! Mother would give half to
me and half to Smiling with Life.
But Smiling with Life would always give most of his share to me.
I
also remember father sitting with us, also listening to grandfather’s stories,
although father would be tired from his long hunting journeys. Father would also be the first to fall
asleep and mother would put a blanket over him and give him a soft, sweet kiss
for good dreams.
After
grandfather’s stories and eating our treat, it would be time for bed. Grandmother would put out the fire in
our tippi and crawl under the blanket with grandfather and mother would crawl
under with father. As a young
child, I had a huge fear of the dark and nightmares.
“Water Moon,” Smiling with Life would say and I would turn
to him and see his big smile, “do not worry. I will protect you.
I would never let anything happen to you, not as long as I am alive,” he
would say as he would touch my cheek.
Then I would hold his hand and I would not let go until I fell
asleep. Safe in my tippi with my
family.
I
woke up to voices of the teachers walking through the room. Waking up all the girls in my
dorm. I woke up quickly, went to
the restroom, got dress, and returned to make my bed. After making my bed, I had to tie my hair back, but it was
very difficult.
“Do you need help?” a girl wispeared to me in a soft voice
in our own language. I nodded and
she quickly helped me with my hair before the teachers noticed.
“Thank you,” I replied in our language.
We
lined up in a single filed and it was not until we were quiet that the teachers
would lead us to the dinning hall.
Once at the dinning hall, we sat at our appropriate seats and folded our
hands as the priests taught us.
“Let us pray,” the priest would say once everyone was
sitting at their seats. Once the
prayer was done, we were allowed to eat.
The school gave us portage, bread, and water for breakfast. Although we ate all our food, it was
not enough to fill us. Many of us
would secretly pass our food to the younger students so that they would not cry
of hunger. As we ate we did not
exchange a single word. We were
not allowed to talk unless it was in the white man’s language.
It
was shortly after my sixth winter when the white men came to our village to
speak with our leaders. My father
was one of the men who escorted our leaders to the meeting. During that winter I fell ill with an
unknown sickness. The shaman was
able to give me herbs to help me feel more comfortable. I was ill for many days but I was
mostly remembered was Smiling with Life sitting next to me.
“Rest,” he would tell me and he would tell me stories as I
fell asleep with my head on his lap.
“Brother, you will get sick too,” I said through my coughs
but Smiling with Life continued to sit next to me.
“I will always be by your side. I promised mother at your birth that I would watch over and
protect you and I will not break that promise,” he told me.
“It hurts,” I would tell him as I coughed into my hands.
“I know, but you will have to be strong,” he said as he held
me and I fell asleep.
“Elizabeth,
please come to the board,” said the teacher. I got up and walked up to the board and the teacher told me
to write a word and I wrote on the board the word ‘you’.
“Very good Elizabeth,” she said and I returned to my
seat. Then she called on Wolf Fang
or Marc. Marc walked to the board
and spelled the word wrong. The
teacher slapped him with her ruler.
But Marc did not cry or yell, he stood tall. That was one should except from the grandson of the
village’s chief.
The
meeting lasted for a week and then the white men left. I was glad when they left our village
and thought that life would return to normal. Shortly after they left, my cough and fever went away. I recovered quickly. But one night in our tippi, everyone
was silent. No one knew that the
next thing my father would say would change everything.
“The white men want our children to go to school,”
“School?” asked my mother.
“A place where our children can learn their language and
learn to read and write. They
thought it would help our children assimiluate into their society,”
“Where will they build such a place?” asked my
grandmother.
“At their settlements,”
“But that’s so far!
Many children will not survive that long journey!” exclaimed my
mother.
“Which children will go to these schools and when?” asked
Smiling with Life.
“Each family with a child old enough to go to school will
leave in three days,” my father said as he looked at me. My mother put her head in her hands and
begun to cry and my grandparents looked gravely into the fire.
“No!” exclaimed my brother as he held me, “they can’t take
her! I won’t let them. She belongs here with us,”
“Son, we are not the only family going through this
delima. There are families in our
tribe that will lose all their children to the white men. We will only lose one,” said my father
staring at me with sad eyes. My
brother held me tight and shook his head.
“She’s too young.
Father, let her wait a year,”
“No. The white
men said all children who have surviored five winters. If we do not let her go, they will take
her,”
“Why would our chief do this to us?” asked my mother with
tears in her eyes.
“If he did not, they would bring an army. They would kill us all, including the
children. It is for their
safety. Even the chief’s own
grandson must go with the other children.
We will no longer discuss this.
Moon Water will leave with the other children,” said my father and he
got up and left our tipi, but I knew that he was sitting outside, crying and
praying.
“Brother, what’s a school? Is it close by?” I asked.
“It’s a place where you will go on exciting adventures and
you will learn important skills.
Skills that we can not teach you,” he told me.
“Is it close by?”
“No, it’s far away,”
“Will you come with me?” and that was when I saw a tear in
Smiling with Life’s eyes.
“No, but I promise you. There will be other children that you can share your
adventures with and play with. You
will keep each other company,” he said with a fake smile.
“I want you to come,”
“I can’t. I’m
too old for adventures,”
I
sat in my sewing class, sewing a quilt.
The quilt was plain and I wished I could decorate it with some sort of
paint. Add animals on it or
symbols from my home. But I knew
that the school would never allow it.
Then something caught my eyes.
I looked out the window and saw white stuff falling from the sky. It was what they called in the white
men’s language, snow.
We
were allowed to play in the snow outside.
But our jackets did not keep us that warm and we had no toys. The younger kids enjoyed games of races
to keep them busy while the older kids just stood around and tried exchanging
words. The teachers kept a close
eye on us because we were not allowed to speak our native language, only the
white man’s language. Then I
noticed Wolf Fang standing alone, just watching the younger children play and
looking around the whole yard.
Although he was very young and one season younger then me, he tried to
take the role of a leader and many of us looked up to him, including myself. I could tell that he was no longer the boy
that would follow his male relatives everywhere and join them in every boring
meeting. Now he was taking his
place as a man and our chief at the school. I could tell that the teachers kept a close eye on him and
maybe, even feared him of what he could accomplish among us.
Three
days passed quickly and the white men brought horses and cattle pulling
carts. At first they were empty
but was starting to fill quickly with children. My clan came out to see me off, especially Smiling with
Life.
“I made this for you,” said my brother. It was a necklace with a happy face
carved into it.
“It’s to remind you that I will always be there, in your
heart,” My brother kissed me on the cheek and gave me a hug. My clan hugged me and my mother cried
as she held me. As I was about to
let go of my mother, my grandfather told me to never forget my people and where
I came from. I promised him that I
would never forget my heritage.
Then Smiling with Life took my little hand and gave me one last look
until someone grabbed my arm and forced us to let go. Then I started to cry as the man put me in one of the
carts.
“I don’t want to go!
I don’t want to go!” I yelled with the other children and I was
crying. I remember seeing the
chief and his son saying good-bye to Wolf Fang. And then I felt a jolt and the carts started to move.
“Protect them!
Watch over them!” yelled the chief and his son to Wolf Fang.
“I promise to protect them!” I heard Wolf Fang yell
back. Then I saw the adults
running towards the carts but the carts kept getting faster and faster. Many of the older adults eventually
stopped running, but Smiling with Life kept running with the other young
adults.
“Don’t be afraid, little sister! I will be with you!
Forever!” yelled Smiling with Life as he stopped running. Those were the last words I heard him
say.
Dinner
passed by quickly and I returned the girl’s dormitory with my roommates and we
washed up and changed into our nightgowns. When the lights went out and we heard the teachers leave we
started to speak quietly.
“Another winter has come and will eventually passed,” said
one of the girls in our language.
“This winter would be my thirteenth winter,” I told
myself. So many years have passed
since I last saw Smiling of Life.
I went to touch my necklace around my neck that he gave me, but I forgot
that it was no longer there.
Shortly after we arrived, the teachers took away anything that connected
us back to our families and traditions.
“We will get out of here, Wolf Fang will make sure of it,”
another girl said. I turned in my
bed and closed my eyes. Somehow I
knew there was no escaping from the school.
The
remaining five years of my education passed before my eyes but it was very
long. After my eighteenth winter,
I graduated and was allowed to leave with the other older children, including
Wolf Fang. Wolf Fang took whatever
was left of us and went back west towards our village. It was a long journey but eventually we
arrived back.
Many
of us were disappointed in hearing of our clans dying from the white men’s
disease and some even moving farther west, including moving onto
reservations. I separated myself
from the group once we arrived back, searching for anything left of my
clan. The place where our tipi
stood was gone and in placed by another clan. I continued walking around the tribe, searching for
anyone. By the end of the day I
found Wolf Fang who was lucky enough to find his father who was now chief of
the village.
“Did you find anyone?” Wolf Fang asked me. I shook my head.
“You can stay with my clan, we will give you shelter and
food,” but I told him that I would keep looking until night fell. I was unsuccessful and started to walk
back to Wolf Fang’s tipi. While
walking I started to sing my grandfather’s prayer song that he sung to me as a
young child and eventually taught me how to sing it.
“Moon Water,” I heard a voice in the wind. The voice was coming behind me and I
turned around and saw him. He was
much older, masculine, but still had that same smile and look in his eyes.
“Smiling with Life,”
