I Exists

            I exist.  I kept telling myself as I sat in my pod. I was sitting on my bed that had white sheets, a white cover, and a white pillow.  The four walls were all white, the floor was white, and my clothes were all white.  There were no mirrors so I did not know my eye colors or my face and I could feel my head.   I had no hair.  I did not even know how old I was.

“Number 109,” said a voice over the loud speaker and I got up and stood in the center of the room to face a screen with a giant “B” on it. 

“Yes, Brother?” I asked.

“It is time to do your work,” and I opened the slot that was built into one of the walls to find a book and I flipped through it to look at the math problems.

“Solve the whole book in at least three hours,”

“Yes, Brother,” and then it went silent.  I sat on the floor and opened the book and took out the pencil from the book.  The first part was simple addition and then it turned into multiplication, middle school algebra and geometry, high school algebra, and then college calculus.  When I was done, I placed the book and pencil back in the slot for Brother to collect.

“Number 109,” said the voice and I quickly got into the middle of the room. 

“Yes, Brother?” I asked.

“You completed the task in three hours and three minutes,”

“Yes, Brother,”

“You will undergo treatment,” and then my whole body felt like it was on fire.  There were electrical currents under the floor of my room so that no matter where I went, I would always be shock.  When my treatment was over I was laying on the floor. 

“Get up,”

“Yes, Brother,” and I stood in the center of my room. 

“You will undergo a penalty for not completing the task in time.  I will show you a video.  Please find the hidden message,”

            I sat in the center of my pod and Brother played a video for me to watch.  The video was of random images that I knew but never seen before.  I could not understand how I knew the image of a whale, school, businessman, tomato, cup, and much more if I never saw it outside my pod.  The truth was, I never knew a time when I was never in my pod.  This was life, as I knew it.  When the video was done, I stood in my pod.

“What is the secret message?” asked Brother.

“You are nothing,” I told Brother and I waited to hear his answer.

“How did you come to that conclusion?”

“While the images were playing, I caught sight of letters.  From the letters I was able to form words and from the words I was able to form a sentence,”

“And what does the phrase ‘you are nothing’ mean?”

“I do not exists,”

“Correct.  Good job, Number 109,”

            I could not say it out loud, but I knew I exist.  Every since I could remember, Brother has told me that I did not exist, but I knew I did.  If I can think, then I do exist. 

“Meal time,” said Brother and in my slot I found a tray with a fruit, sandwich, and water.  It has been the same meal since I could remember.  After I finished eating and put the tray back in the slot, the lights went out.

“Sleep time,” said Brother and I climbed into bed but before I went to sleep, I kept telling myself that I exist. 

            “Good morning,” said Brother as the lights went on.  I made my bed and then I sat on it, thinking. 

“Number 109,” I got up and went to the center of my pod.

“Yes, Brother,”

“I need you to run around the pod in a circle fifty times in five minutes,”

“Yes, Brother,” and I did as he said.  I ran around the room and counted to fifty.  When I was finished I went to the center of my pod.

“Again,” said Brother.

“Yes, Brother,” and I did the whole think again, but Brother kept making me do it over and over again.  Eventually I lost track of how many times I ran around my small pod. 

“Are you tired?”

“Yes, Brother,”

“Open your slot,” and I did to find a backpack but it was heavy. 

“There are ten pounds in the backpack.  I would like you to run around your pod, wearing the backpack and completing fifty rounds in four minutes, your time begins now,”

“Yes, Brother,” and I ran around my pod again but it became so difficult that I ended up falling and rolling on to my back. 

“Number 109,” and I struggled to get up and into the center of my pod.

“Yes, Brother,”

“You did not complete your rounds on time.  You will be given a treatment,” and instead of a shock, I felt the temperature in my pod increase.  I took off all my clothes and sat in the pod naked but I was still sweating and I had a feeling that at any moment, I was going to burn to death.  I started to cry and then sob. 

“Number 109,” and I got up and went to the center of the pod while wiping my eyes. 

“Yes, Brother,” I struggled to say. 

“Because you failed to complete your runs on time, you will be given a penalty,”

“Yes, Brother,” and then I heard something coming into my pod.  A wide door opened in my pod and I turned around to see a small black box enter the middle of my pod. 

“Number 109,”

“Yes, Brother,”

“Get in the box,” I looked at the box and opened it to look inside.  There was a monitor so that I could always see the letter ‘B’ from Brother, but other then that there was nothing and I knew that I could barely fit in side it. 

“Get in the box,” Brother said again. 

“No,” I said staring at the monitor.

“You will disobey your Brother?  You will undergo treatment that is twice as hard as anything you have ever faced before,” said Brother.

“You can kill me,” I said and I meant it.  I hated this life.  I wanted out and I wanted to live outside my pod.  I did not know what was outside but I wanted to see a school, a whale, a car, streets, and other stuff I never saw except in my mind and on the monitor when Brother played a movie. 

“Do you know what the word ‘death’ means?” asked Brother.

“A separation from the soul and body,” I told him.

“How can a soul separate from the body when you do not have a soul?”

“I do have a soul.  I had a soul before I was born,”

“How did you come to this conclusion?”

“I know things.  I know what a perfect circle looks like but I can’t draw a perfect circle, no one can draw a perfect circle. I must have gotten that knowledge somewhere since no one taught me.  I also know the meaning of Good and Beautiful although my idea of those two adjectives can be different from someone else’s idea but no matter where I go or who I am, those words will always exists.  To have this knowledge, this must mean that I have a soul,”

“What would you do if I told you that we already discovered that you and others like you do not have a soul,”

“If I believe I have a soul then I have a soul and it will continue after I die because will separate form my body,”

“How about this, number 109.  There is an instrument but no one plays the instrument.  Does the instrument still make a sound?”

“If no one plays the instrument then the instrument has no sound,”

“Yes, that is correct.  Then what if the instrument is destroyed?  Does the instrument still have a sound, can it even make a sound?”

“A broken instrument can never make a sound because no one can play a broken instrument,”

“Exactly.  Do you understand?  You are the instrument.  No one has ever played you, thus you have no sound.  When you break, you will no longer be able to make a sound, thus the human body, your body, has no soul,” It made sense to me but I could not believe that I had no soul. 

“I DO HAVE A SOUL AND IF I HAVE A SOUL THEN I EXISTS!” I screamed at Brother.  I did not care if Brother was able to prove me wrong that I had no soul, but as long as I believed I have a soul then I have a soul and if I believe I exist then I exist. 

“You exist?  How did you come to this conclusion?” asked Brother.

“I think so therefore I am.  I exists,” I told him. 

“Let me ask you this question.  There is the letter Z, correct?”

“Alright,”

“Then letter Z breaks up into two new letters.  Letters A and B.  If Z broke into letters A and B, then does Z still exist?”

“No,” I said thinking this through.  I could not find a way for Z to exist after breaking into A and B. 

“Do you understand?” asked Brother.

“I understand that Z no longer exists,” I said.

“Correct, therefore, you do not exists,” I was shocked by what Brother was telling me.  It couldn’t be true, it just couldn’t.

“You didn’t-

“Yes I did,” replied Brother, “you are the letter Z that split into A and B.  You are not the only number 109 to exist in the world,” and I fell to the floor and started to cry.  Then I started to sob. 

“Number 109,”

“Yes, Brother?”

“Do you exist?” Still sitting down in my pod, wiping the tears from eyes I was able to say in between sobs,

“No, I do not exists,”