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This short story is dedicated to the four children abandoned in Sugamo.

            I woke up to Danny crying and I crawled over to the couch, where he was sleeping.

“You just turned five, your getting too old for this,” I told him quietly. 

“I’m hungry,” he said through his tears.

“I know you are, we all are,”

“Food.  I want food,”

“I’ll get food but you’ll have to wait until tonight,” I waited until he went back to sleep and that was when I got up for the day.  I switch the light switch even though I knew nothing would happen but I still had hope that we would have electricity.  Then I walked into the bathroom and turned the sink on.  No water that was not another surprise.  I walked over to the pile of dirty clothes and started to sort out the clothes that belong to me.  I smelled each shirt, trying to find one that did not smell.  When I thought I found the right one, I took off my white t-shirt and put on the new shirt. 

“Joseph,” I heard my sister say and I walked into the living room to find her sitting up. 

“Go back to sleep, I’ll get food for us tonight,” I told her.

“It’s not about food.  Just that, before the sun sets, I would like to cut your hair, it’s getting too long,” and I nodded to her.  I pile our clothes into a bag and walked out of the apartment but I made sure that no one was in the hallway before leaving because we still did not pay rent or any of the bills.  Once down stairs, I got on my bike and I to 7-11 that was located down the street from us. 

            When I walked in there was only one guy working.  He’s seen me before looking around the place and sometimes buying something, but today I had no money and I only wanted soap to clean our clothes.  When he was not looking, I took a bar soap and hid it in my underwear.  I walked out and my heart was pounding because I thought he would come out and chase me but instead, none of that happened.  I knew it was only bar soap, but it would have to do. 

            At the river near the Church I dumped all the clothes out and started a wash.  I looked at the Church every few minutes to make sure no one was looking.  It was a weekday and I knew most of the children my age were in school and that no one would be at mass since it was not a Sunday.  But I cleaned the clothes as quickly as possible and when I was done, I put them all back in the bag and rushed home. 

            “The clothes need to dry,” I said when I walked into the apartment.  My sister and Danny were still sleeping.  When my sister heard me she got up and helped me put the clothes outside to dry. 

“You should rest,” my sister said to me and I took her advice.  I got on the floor and crawled under the blanket using one of the couch pillows as my pillow.  And once I closed my eyes I started to dream about our mother. 

            We moved into town about a year ago but mom wanted to keep it a secret that she had three children.  But ever since I was ten, she knew that she needed my help with my younger siblings so since then, she’s been telling people that she had only one child.  It’s been four years since then and I still keep my siblings a secret from everyone. 

“If I tell a landowner that I have three kids, then we would not have a home.  Simple as that,” she told me when she took me out to dinner once. 

            One night in September mother told us that she had to go away for a while on a business trip but would be back in a week.  That week turned into a month and whenever she went to work she would come home late and sometimes she would come home the next morning, usually drunk. 

            Mother never wanted Danny or my sister to go outside out of fear that someone might see them and know that she was lying.  Because of that, my siblings and I were home schooled but we were not on any list or anything.  Mother went out to a bookstore and bought us books to help us learn.  However we are very much behind everyone. 

            Danny is now five but he can’t spell or do simple math.  Because he cannot spell, he can not read or write.  My sister has being teaching him the alphabet but he gets all the letters mix up and he finds math difficult.  My sister has told my mother that he probably has a learning disability but mother does not believe in any of that and does not believe in education.  She dropped out of high school and has enough money to raise three children, or at least that is what she told us. 

            In December that following year, mother told us that she had to go across the country for work and that she would be gone for a month.  She left me a phone number and told me that she would be sending money to us for rent and bills.  A month passed, then two, then three, until today, the first day of June or at least I thought it was the first day of June.  Mother has not sent us money since March and we ran out months ago.  One day I decided to give her a call, however, the phone company told us that the phone number did not exists. 

            I woke up to a knock on the door and I saw that my sister was already up checking on the clothes to make sure they were clean. 

“Ms. Webler, I’ve come for the rent.  You have not paid me yet.  Are you there?  Is anyone there,” and we all stayed silent.  I looked at my sister and she looked at me.  We both kept silent and at that moment I was so happy that Danny never snored or talked in his sleep.  Eventually we started to hear the foot steps walk down the hallway. 

“We need to take care of the rent or they will find us,” my sister said and I knew she was right.  I had to get money some way even though I was underage for most places that was hiring. 

“I’ll go out,” I said and without changing, left the apartment and went into town.  I saw a lot of “Now Hiring” signs but when I told people I was sixteen they asked for ID and I had to leave.  If I needed an ID then I knew I would never get work. 

Instead of getting work, I grabbed an empty cup on the side of the street and rode a few towns over and started to beg.  I hated begging, but if it would give us some money, then it was worth it.  I felt stupid asking money because most people gave me a sad or curious look and walk past me.  Very few people gave me money and if they did, it was usually some sort of coin.  As I was walking in a town I noticed that a policeman took a notice into me and I quickly hid the cup and took a turn at the corner and ran into an ally.  I hid behind a few garbage cans and watched as the police started to run down the street I just turned on to.  When I knew it was okay to leave, I took the long way back to my bike. 

When I got back to my town it was a little passed three and I was watching school children walking home from school.  I sat on a bench and watch the children pass by.  There were children of all ages, younger, older, or my age.  They had clean clothes, smelled clean, shiny hair that was probably recently cut, and had backpacks filled with books. 

“I hate school!” I heard one boy say as he walk pass me, talking to another boy he was with.  I gave him a look but he did not notice. 

“You should feel lucky,” I quietly said to no one.  When I thought most of the school kids walked pass me I got back on my bike and went home.  

            At the apartment, my sister was trying to get Danny to learn his alphabet but he was struggling and about to have a tantrum.  When Danny saw me he gave me a smile that quickly went away. 

“No food?” he asked.

“Not yet, but later today we will have food,”

“Did you get a job?” asked my sister.

“They want me to have some sort of ID.  It’ll never happen.  We’ll have to wait for mom to send us money,” My sister then gave me a look that said “it would never happen” but she kept quiet for Danny’s sake.

“When is mommy coming home?” he asked and I gave him a huge smile and patted him on the head.

“Soon,” I told him and he returned my answer with a huge smile.

“When mommy comes home I’ll make her a huge present that will put a big smile on her face and maybe if I say ‘I miss you mommy’ she’ll stay,”

“If you tell her that, I bet she will definitely stay,” I told him and he jump up and down clapping.  My sister and I had to remind him to stay quiet so the neighbors would not hear. 

“You guys want to go to the park?” I asked them.

“Really!  You mean ‘outside’?  Can we?” asked Danny and my sister gave me an approval look. 

            The three of us snuck out and we walked all the way to the park that was two blocks away and surrounded by woods.  There was a playground for Danny to go down slides and swings for my sister to swing on and a jungle jim where I got to climb.  There were other people there, but they ignored us as three kids who were stuck in school that wanted to get out and have fun. 

“Brother!  Can you swing us around on the tire swing?” Danny asked grabbing our sister and taking her to the tire swing.  They both got on and I put a big smile on my face as I pushed them on the swing.  The two of them laughed and I laughed with them because we rarely had moments where all three of us laughed together and enjoy life as children. 

            When the sun started to set, I noticed that most parents were taking their children home.  My sister and I agreed that it was time to go home and I escorted them back to the apartment.  Once they were inside I took my bike and went into town to a small Deli where a guy named Liam worked at. 

            I walked inside and found Liam behind the register, as always.  There was no one else in the store. 

“Three bags,” I told Liam and he handed the over.  In each bag were small bags of chips, cookies, brownies, and other junk food.  Then he handed me a huge gallon of water. 

“Thank you,” I said to Liam. 

            Liam graduated from high school a year ago but had no money for college since he was a foster kid.  He moved from house to house and once he was eighteen, he left, got his own place and a job.  When he caught me begging in January he knew I was alone with no parent.  He said he would protect me from the foster system by providing me with food, sometimes money if he could spare it.  He told me that my siblings and I were better off in our home then in the system.  Liam was in the system since he was four and he was the youngest of five.  They split them up and Liam rarely saw his siblings and when he did see them, they felt more like distant cousins then siblings.  The majority of his older siblings ran away from their foster homes and became street punks, hook on drugs and stuff, but Liam did not want that.  He said he was mostly upset that none of them tried to get him out of the system, he was always alone. 

            As I was riding home from getting the food I always thought about Liam’s life in the foster system.  I would never allow that for my sister and Danny.  Even if we were put into the system, I would get them out once I turned eighteen, I would never leave them. 

            “Danny I have food!” I said once I opened the door but instead of Danny running up to me and giving me a big hug for getting food, I heard my sister crying. 

“Rachel, what’s wrong?” I asked as I put down the grocery bags and walked into the living room.  That was when I saw Rachel crying and Danny on the floor. 

“Danny, get up,” I said and I sat down next to him and pushed him a little.

“Get up,” I said softly but he did not move.  

“Danny,” I said and then tears started to go down my face. 

“He was just sitting trying to do his ABC’s and it was hot so he opened one of the windows.  A bee came in and stung him.  He never got stung before so I never knew,” and then I held my sister in my arms and we both cried together, silently, so that the neighbors could not hear. 

            My sister and I found Danny’s favorite clothes.  Jean shorts, Power Ranger’s underwear, a white T-shirt with Marvel Heroes on it, and plain white sockets.  He loved his Pokemon sneakers, but they no longer fit on his feet so we decided that we would bury them next to the body.  Rachel got to cut his hair and I gathered his favorite toys.  His teddy bear that he got as an infant, ABC’s and math book, and a picture of him with mom a year ago.  We placed the body on his favorite blanket and put the objects on his body, and then we wrapped it all together.  My sister was still very upset about his death, she would not stop crying. 

“I’ll take him to the Church.  It will be easier with just one of us instead of both,” and Rachel agreed but before taking the body she kissed him and said good-bye. 

            It was around two in the morning and everyone was asleep.  It was easy getting to the rill by the Church and crossing it to the woods on the other side.  I had a toy shovel and I started to dig.  I was so deep into the woods that I did not care that I cried or that I was there until sunrise.  Before I placed the body down I kissed it and said a little prayer for Danny.  I hoped that wherever he went, he was happy and getting a lot of food and love.  Then I cover the dirt and left the site wiping tears with my shirt. 

            When I got back, Rachel was sleeping but her eyes were red.  When I saw that the couch was empty I started to cry.  Danny was gone.  The boy who always saw the good things and put a smile on to make people happy was gone.  I wanted my little brother back, but I knew that was not going to happen and I crawled under my blanket and fell asleep with tears in my eyes. 

            I got up around noon and walked around the apartment like a zombie.  I felt nothing.  I still could not believe that my brother was gone.  I decided to go out and I walked out without telling Rachel (who was still sleeping) and without changing clothes.  I was amaze to see that we had mail in the lobby.  I took the letter and walked back upstairs to open it. 

            In the letter was over 5,000 dollars.  I knew right away that it was from mom but that was the only thing in it.  There was no letter but there was a return address from Texas but I knew that by the time a letter would get there she would be gone or that she was using a fake address.  I put the envelope down and sat down next to Rachel who was still sleeping.  That was when I heard the knock.

“Social Services, I’m looking for Ms. Webler.  If you do not open up I will need to call the police.  Open up, please,” I did not move and Rachel did not wake up, she was definitely tired.  I looked around the room and saw how dirty the apartment was, filthy clothes everywhere, no electricity, no running water, dead plants, pots filled the sink, the bathroom stunk of urine and feces, the whole apartment was like a giant garbage.  That was when I gave up.

I walked to the door and open it slightly to look at the social worker.  He was bald with just a small piece of hair on his chin. 

“Hello there, I am Mr. Mandel from Social Services.  I’m looking for Ms. Webler, I’m guessing she is your mother,”

“She’s not here,”

“Oh, well may I come in,” and I shrugged and let him in.  He was in shock when he saw how filthy our apartment was and I saw him put a tissue up to his nose.  Rachel started to get up and when she saw the social worker, she ignored him.  I could tell that she gave up too. 

“Where is Ms. Webler?” he asked.

“I don’t know.  She’s away on business,” I said.

“Where?”

“I don’t know,”

“How long has she been gone?”

“Since early December,”

“Oh my God,” he said and I saw the shock on his face.  Then he looked at the piece of paper in his hand.

“According to the landowner, she has one child,”

“No, she had three,”

“Three?  Well, where is the third?”

“Gone,”

“Gone where?” he asked and I looked at the shovel that was next to the door and the social worker look towards where I was gazing and then back at me.  Rachel and I showed almost no emotion and just stared at him like children who did not know what to do. 

“Oh my God,” he said again.